Delight Chilegide Olumati

Hey, 
a journey back to that day wouldn’t hurt, or would it? Well, as you all know I was Daddy’s pet, Daddy’s girl and all, an only child, lol.
I grew up to understand love without any hurt, just me and him with mummy alongside us. Although Daddy wasn’t always home, most times he was away for 6months, other times 3months, and that was how it went on and on, yet whenever he returned we’d always pick off from where we left. When he fell sick around March 2010. Well, I was kind of happy, I felt I would have him more to me for a longer amount of time, lol.
Knowing an all strong man, so humble (he was a big-time trouble maker) I wasn’t used to him like that at all, that sick, weak, helpless man. He was my source for everything related to strength, my backup y’know. 

11-12-10
(let’s take a step back to a day before the deal day)

…because he had a stroke, he couldn’t walk nor do anything aside from talking to me, just me. My Mummy had gone to take her bath and I was left with just Pops, he sat facing the edge of the wall, inside the house and he called out to me. He said to me while facing the wall “Mummy, please open that door,” as confused as I was, looking out for a door I couldn’t see, I mean Daddy that’s the edge of the wall, there’s no door there. He said again “Legide, I am tired of disturbing your Mummy, she doesn’t deserve this, open the door let me go…” he had not completed his statement when my Mum walked in and he whispered to me “don’t tell her what I said.” 
Wtf, well, I didn’t tell Mummy. 

12-12-10

My Mummy told me they had to take him back to the hospital for a check-up and she left me with her Father (I guess we have a thing for our Fathers) 
Small me, I sat with Gramps, he handed me his phone to play a game just so I don’t get bored and he entered his room to take a nap. During that short period that I was alone outside, I played with his phone until a call came in, it was from my Mum. Well, I could read so yes, I took the call and my Mum said in our dialect “Tony is dead, do not tell Chilegide (that’s me.)” 
Lmao, ikr she told me already, so what? What now? Uhm that didn’t enter my head at first as what I did was scream and let the phone slide down my hand to the floor. My late Aunt rushed out to find out the problem and well, I was crying already. She kept on asking what had happened and all I could say was, “He is dead.”
That surprising look on everyone’s face. Then my Aunt took the phone from the ground and checked who had called last and boom it was my Mum. 
She dialed the number, and kept it on speaker. As my Mum picked the call she went on with “Tony is dead, please do not tell Chilegide.” Omoooo my Aunt broke it to her and said I was the one that first took the call and as such, I knew already.
My Mum asked her to put me on and all I did was cry (I am crying right now, lol).
Moving forward, he was sent to the Mortuary and I was brought back to Choba, I mean all those while we were at my Maternal home.

12-12-2020
(Today)

It is 10years past that day and the memory still triggers like it was yesterday. I remember the feel of your palm and the safety of your arm. I still hold onto your words, the little I grabbed, and those I learned from your ways. Your smiles, frowns, walking steps, love for sports, and interest in people.
I cannot afford to forget my promises to make you proud of me.
2020, your death hit me so hard this year and I do not understand why. Is it because I made more impact this year and I didn’t have you by my side? Is it because I was reminded a lot about how helpless I am? Is it because I broke down a lot and there was no one to make my day? Mehn! It hit me. I miss a lot of times with you, do I mention those shady evenings together on the rooftop? Do I mention our troublesome days? 

“If one can live for two, I would have lived for you.” —Smiler

10years without a father, 10years of learning how to find my ground, 10years witnessing a lot of humiliation from relatives, 10years of growth, 10years of ignoring attachments, 10years of not believing that those who love can stay ‘til forever, 10years of learning how to call strangers “Father,” 10years of tears, 10years of too many pain, 10years of emptiness, 10years of hurt, 10years of war; struggling between being enough and being myself, fighting with being there and looking for support. 10years of regrets, 10years of holding onto the past, 10years of searching for relevance in the lives of humans, 10years of being their priority even though I didn’t matter. 10years Daddy, 10years. 

I miss you, a lot. I miss playing with your chest hair, I miss calling you Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I miss holding hands with you, I miss eating with you. I miss wearing matching outfits with you. I miss sitting in the front seat of your car and driving for long, just us. I miss you.

Honestly, the month of December reminds me a lot about you.
12-12-10 can never be forgotten.
I miss you.

May your soul rest in peace.🕯🕯