Delight Chilegide Olumati

I am all the words in my head yet none of them. I am all the fears that I fear which build my thoughts and form my anxiety. I am human and that is before anything else, and this permits me to feel.

The fear of the unknown grooms my thoughts on anxiety. I love to know. The fear of the future, the fear of failure, not being enough, the fear of getting hurt, and that of being vulnerable, makes me anxious. My anxiety races at a pace I bet light can’t beat. It comes from this place to be for others first before myself. It comes from this place to be other people’s go-to human.
I spend most of my time fighting worry. In my head, anxiety feels normal. Like the first thing that comes to me when things aren’t good, when things are too good and when… I don’t know. It comes to me without any reason, it just feels like I should be called home because I am human, who is capable of feeling.

Oftentimes, I think anxiety selects who to visit, especially uninvitedly because how do I explain my heart racing, my head aching, my voice cracking, and my eyes filling with tears when a word is said. Maybe because the word reminds me of a lot, but how do I heal?
Anxiety like I prefer to leave in my thoughts is scary. It messes with my mood. It makes me look for words, find my friends and just stand in my space—lost.

Do you feel this way? Do you think you are abnormal because you experience these symptoms and more? Well, you shouldn’t. Anxiety is as common to you as it is to me. It doesn’t in any way make you less human. Own it and try to heal from it. Elienai Julius once wrote in her blog on the topic of anxiety and I am certain it can help you with this thought that we share, you can read it here.

©Delight Olumati
edited by Khafilat Aminu