Delight Chilegide Olumati

The first time I thought I had to do everything right and in a certain way was the first time I failed. I had this thought that, before I was born there had already been a narrative I had to either follow or create, for myself especially.

This became an inbuilt guide; beat or join them. From what my mind had been taught through living, I knew that to survive, I had to be me because I am me, I am human and that is before anything else. I knew I could only survive by doing what I knew was right. I was exposed to pressure as time went by. It came from my thoughts, family, and friends. You and I know what that of our thoughts does. It allows the family to talk and the friends to act. It later processes all of it when you least expect, thereby giving room for anxiety. Family pressure is influenced by the environment and things happening. It can swing between positive and negative energy. Usually what the environment gives.

For a few years now, I have had my fair share of family pressure and it is so bad. The need to be the exemplary child, the fact that no one is giving you a chance to make your own mistakes, it is so sad. I find it saddening because before I became an adult by age, I already was. I was never allowed to be a child. Do you understand how that feels? It places you on the spot before time. I think it has its advantages, of course, which may even be higher than the opposite. I just really want to be me without the need to be for others at the same time, although do I believe what I just wrote? No.

The idea of perfection as it is in my thought places us on the high side of failure. It gives great room for anxiety and that, anxiety, is another thought that we share and I will get to it in our next episode.

©Delight Olumati
edited by Khafilat Aminu